


Don't Let Me Down

by lmao_wyld



Category: Victorious
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, LGBT, M/M, Self-Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_wyld/pseuds/lmao_wyld
Summary: The middle Oliver sure had a good handle on how to manage to get himself in every possible bad situation known to man.





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> An edgy Victorious, which I know we all want.

_September 5th, 2034_

_They say everyone is someone in LA, but I'm not sure exactly how true that is. Like the hobo I saw on the street this morning, he was basically a nobody. And he's in LA. Because I'm in LA._

_I feel like I'm a nobody, too._

_My parents are two of the hugest stars in Hollywood and I'm just a shadow._

_I wish I was less of a shadow and more of a person, but I'll never be a real person with paparazzi crawling down my neck, looking for something, anything, to ruin my parents' reputation with._

_Maybe I'll rob a bank, or set a school on fire. It's unlikely for the most part, but that's what they (the paparazzi) want._

_There's nothing more that I want than to be a regular kid. My sister, Raven? She was lucky. She was born before any of the whole "Mom and Dad are famous!" shit. Technically, Blair was, too, but she can hardly remember it. I, on the other hand, as the third minion, as my mom likes to say, have been stuck like this my entire life. I was the first kid born into the mansion I'm supposed to call home. It's hardly a home when Justin Beiber and whatever wife he has now is your fucking next door neighbor._

_Maybe if I just-_

"Jesse Mekhi Oliver, if you don't get your ass down here in three seconds, it'll be grass!" Jesus, how could she yell so loud? Slamming his notebook down, Jesse jumped into action. He grabbed his messenger bag and tore open his bedroom door, not bothering to shut it behind him as he raced down the hall to the staircase. His house was long and windy, and practically a maze, but Jesse had done this routine since kindergarten. He knew exactly which corner to turn. "One! Two! Don't let me get to three-!" He slid down the banister, fastening his tie to the prep school uniform he had to bear.

Jesse landed with a thud in front of his mother. "I'm here, I'm here."

His mother scoffed, glancing up and down, almost as if she were inspecting his uniform. "Yeah, barely. You have wrinkles in your vest." She tugged on the blue fabric, smoothening the material out with her pale hand. "And your hair, it's messy. You look like a hoodlum."

Jesse held his hand out to stop her from messing with his bedhead. "Mom, stop. Please. I'll fix it."

"Do it in the car. Got it?" She looked at him expectedly, and for the first time, Jesse realized she was looking up, just barely. He had grown taller.

The 'hoodlum' sighed. "Yes, ma'am." Right as Jesse grabbed the door knob, his father rounded the corner from the kitchen.

"You look good, son. But fix your hair."

Jesse groaned. "Okay, okay. I will."

His parents embraced, greeting each other warmly. "Good morning, Jade."

"Beck." Although her voice was cold, her smile indicated a warm friendliness. "You're making dinner tonight."

"Oh boy," Beck countered. "Spaghetti."

Jade rolled her eyes, and before Jesse could continue listening to the conversation, he left the house.

* * *

 

In the driveway, Jade's black van (with the tinted windows) was parked and turned on. Jesse opened the sliding passenger door, revealing his little brother and older sister, both whom he'd be going to school with this year. "Get in, genius," Blair said, as soon as he got the door open. Jesse slid in next to his brother wordlessly, and began to fix his hair as promised. "What, trying to look nice for some girl? You'd be lucky if Helga Schwartz took notice to you," Blair sneered.

"Don't worry, I won't take your girlfriend," Jesse shot back.

"Fuck off," she grumbled, turning back to face the front, obviously not feeling much like fighting. Jesse smirked and sank into the leather seat, satisfied.

* * *

 

Within the next few minutes Jade had appeared out from the house, getting into the drivers' seat. "Okay, minions. Listen up. Any fighting and I'll be sure to embarrass all of you. Don't ask how." With a click, her seatbelt was fastened, and the mother looked over all of her children to be sure they were buckled as well. "I want silence, you hear me? Si-lence."

No kid took a chance to see what would happen if they were to utter a peep.

* * *

 

Soon enough the quartet pulled up to the gates of Schneider Academy. After giving proper identificated, they were let in. Jade pulled into the drop-off lane. "Okay. Have a good day, make wise choices, and I love you all, even if you are knuckle-heads. Good luck." Once all Oliver kids were out of the van, their mother sped off, like usual.

Pierce seemed to gawk at how big the school was, because he muttered, "Look at how big this school is."

"I know. Like Mom said, good luck!" Jesse laughed.

"Wait!" His younger brother cried. "Aren't you gonna help me to my homeroom!?"

"Nope!"

"But Dad said!"

Jesse didn't bother answering him, he just made his way to the high school building, located on the east side of the campus.

Pierce would be fine, it's not like Jesse hadn't left him defenseless; he snuck a map in his bag. Better than the treatment he got himself, Blair sent him into the middle school empty handed.

But Jesse would always he there for his little brother, as long as no one mentioned it.


	2. Beside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red. White. Blank.

Jesse didn't exactly hate school; he just wasn't all that invested into it. The young punk wanna-be, as his sister liked to put it, was way more interested in things such as sleeping, or skate-boarding, as lost as the art was. It shouldn't have been all that much of a surprise to any of his teachers that even so much as sniffed his personal record from middle school; Jesse was not, as people say, a good student. He hid his nervousness about his first day of high school with a façade of self-proclaimed 'bad-assery'.

It's not like Jesse had any friends to call him out on it, anyway.

He was bored. Incredibly, absolutely bored. Orientation was more exciting than this. Each of his new teachers spent all class going over their "unique" sylabus, which they probably all shared together. Jesse took the opportunity to slip into the desk farthest from the door in each classroom, just so he'd have an easier time tuning out.

"Oliver, Jesse." His name shook him from his conscious slumber. His Geography teacher had a thick European accent, and was very old and mean, but Jesse wasn't going to let that intimidate him. Yet. Right as he was about to indicate that he was, in fact, present, the teacher immediately followed with. "You wouldn't happen to have an older sister would you?"

Jesse groaned. "Depends."

The teacher- Dr. Paholainen, he read on the board... _How do you even pronounce that?_ \- grumbled, "I'll take that as a yes. You'll take this seat over by my desk. Oliver's are nightmares," and he actually shuddered. _Okay_ , Jesse thought. _You wanna single me out? I'll make you regret that soon enough._

Jesse moved his stuff, earning a few giggles from his classmates. A quick glare fixed that right up.

_No wonder I have literally no friends._

 

* * *

 

"How was school?" his mother asked.

Silence went on for too long because Jesse didn't bother looking up. He twirled the spaghetti on his plate with his fork, making an obnoxious scraping sound.

"Cut that out, you little bastard," Blair hissed. Jesse smirked, enjoying getting under his sister's skin.

Beck dropped his silverware with a clang. "Language!" Blair straightened up. Their father could be scarier than Jade when he wanted. Even Jesse stopped his actions. "And, Jess, your mother asked you a question."

Jesse sipped his lemonade through a purple curly straw, taking a huge gulp, the kind that was immature and not appropriate at dinner. The kind that would get a rise out of Jade. Infact, she was fuming from across the table. "Listen up, little man. I don't know what the hell's gotten into you but until you're done being a gank, you can stay in your room for the rest of the evening. And no cell phone."

Hormonal Jesse glared. He abruptly stood, pulling his brand new pear phone out of his pocket, slamming it onto the dinner table. He shoved his chair in, so roughly that it made Max, his youngest sister, cry. Before his parents could get to him, Jess was up the stairs and into his bedroom, with the door locked and barracaded with his desk chair. Jesse's breathing had become shallow, and his blood was at it's boiling point. He needed to punch something, now. He could feel it in his arms. In his fists. He needed relief. Anything to stop the pain. His forearms throbbed the more he paced his room. Jesse finally had enough and took a swing at his closet. Another swing. Three. Four. Five. Ten. Thirteen. Twenty punches at his closet. He had broken through the wood. His fists had splinters in them. Blood trickled down his knuckles. His mind went red. White. Blank.

 

* * *

 

Jesse opened his eyes, and it was completely dark. His entire body was clammy. He shivered, pulling himself up off the floor. The boy was practically soaked the bone, caked in sweat. The blood on his knuckled had dried, and they were as sore as all get out. Slowly, he removed the chair from underneath the doorknob, pushing it close to where he woke up, which wasn't far from his door. He slowly opened said door, peering into the darkened hall. No lights whatsoever, indicating everyone was asleep.

"Mom's probably awake downstairs," Jesse mumbled to himself. To his surprise, the voice that came out of the Freshman was scratchy and completely unlike his usual speaking voice. "The fuck?" Jess felt the walls until he made it to the front staircase, to which he clutched onto the banister as he slowly decended down each step carefully. When he reached the front door, he saw a light coming from the foyer. Upon further investigation, his mother was indeed awake, and she was reading a book.

"Why aren't you in bed?" she asked, not looking up from her book. Jesse looked down at his bare feet. When he didn't answer, Jade put her book in her lap and looked him in the eye. "For fuck's sake, Jess. What did you do?" She gestered to his knuckles. "Fuck. Let me get a wash cloth. You dumbass." She disappeared toward the kitchen, leaving the book she was so invested in behind. Jess picked it up, careful not to loose her place. The title read, To Each Their Own. It looked to be a typical Mom book, and Jesse was going to read the summary until Jade barked, "Hey! Put that down." So he did put it down, safely on the arm chair she had been sitting on. Jade approached her son, venom seemingly dissipated. Gently, she rubbed off the dry blood from his hands, applying whatever medicine she brought. "You still have to go to school tomorrow," she smirked. Jesse seemingly deflated. "Is that what your whole fit was about? High school sucks, dude. Get over it." Although her words were meant to sting, Jade was careful enough to place a soft kiss upon her son's forehead. "Jess. You're burning up."

"My throat hurts," he struggled to get out. Just as raspy as before, but deeper.

"Damn it," Jade cursed, then sighed. "I'll go grab the thermometer. Stay put." And she was gone, again. Jesse sank back into the seat, the book now resting on the juxtaposed table. "Open." Jade had returned. So, Jesse opened his mouth. She placed the thermometer in his mouth, and he clamped it shut. "Oh, and by the way, you're grounded for whatever you punched to get your knuckles that bloody." Jesse shrugged, and let his eyes close for just a minute, until the beeping of the thermometer disturbed him. Jade slipped the stick out of his dry mouth. "102. Lucky bastard, you get out of school. Go to bed."

"Don't think I can," he mumbled. Jade's gaze softened.

Jade grabbed his arm and placed it around her shoulder, and pulled Jess off the arm chair. She carefully walked him across to where the couch was, and let him lay down, gently as she could. She disappeared for the third time of the night, and came back with a blanket from one of many hall closets, and a spare pillow. She tucked the pillow under Jesse's head, and draped the blue and green blanket over his body. Pulling the arm chair across the floor, she sat directly by his side, humming whatever she was humming. Jess didn't notice. He fell asleep to the feel of her fingers running through his hair, something he'd always liked when he was younger.

"Goodnight, Jess," was the last thing he heard before he finally drifted off.


	3. Bombshells

Now that Jesse had gotten through whatever virus he had, he barely even looked his family in the eye. His life was a complete track, never changing. He found it easier that way, as no surprises could weasel his way into his life.

So he thought, as Jesse was completely taken aback when his parents called for a family meeting one meeting.

"Are you having another baby?" Blair asked, once all the Oliver kids were settled in the living room. Even Raven, who was in New York for college, was present via Facechat.

Jade shook her head. "No, we're not having another baby. Max is the last one." The two year old giggled at her name, and Blair shushed her. "Your father and I are getting a divorce." So that's why they were sitting so far apart.

Raven hung up. She was the first to react. "I'm sorry, what?" Blair said. She looked concerned for once in her life.

Beck sighed, crossing his leg over the other. When Jesse realized they were sitting the same way, he uncrossed his own. "We're getting a divorce."

"Why?" Pierce spoke up. He looked heartbroken.

Jade looked at her youngest son, frowning. "Sometimes people just fall out of love, buddy."

Jesse's eyebrows furrowed, and he grasped at his jeans. "No. No they don't." He stood up, abruptly, and paced. "People don't just fall out of love. They work for it. You're really gonna do this? Throw away two decades of work? Make your children suffer through visitation? Oh, cause that's fun. And fair." Jesse couldn't stop fuming when, "well, fuck both of you!" And he was stomping up the stairs. No one came to stop him.

 

* * *

 

Jesse wanted to sneak out, run away, do anything to piss his parents off. But he had nowhere to go, no one to go to. He was done breaking through closet doors, yelling at people who made him angry, he just wanted to get away. Scrolling through his contacts, which didn't take very long, he glanced at the name of the only person who would have helped, had this been the seventh grade; Ken, his childhood best friend. Something happened between them, and although Jesse didn't like to talk about it or even think about Ken, he couldn't think of anyone else right now. So Jess called.

It rang.

And rang.

And rang some more, and right when Jesse was about to hang up, the line clicked.

"What do you want?"

Jesse sat back on his bed. "Listen, Kenny-"

He heard a huff. "Don't fucking call me that you dick."

Jesse sighed, and stood once more. "Okay, sorry. Ken," he fixed. "I.. Know we're not really friends anymore-"

"Yeah, that would be putting it lightly."

"Will you stop interrupting me!?" There was no answer. "Anyway, I just.. I don't have anyone to turn to, and.. It's just.. Can I come over?"

Silence made the atmosphere uncomfortable. Jesse checked the screen a few times to be sure he hadn't hung up. Finally, "yeah. Sure. Whatever. My house. Get there soon before I change my mind." Jesse hung up as soon as Ken finished. He pulled on his shoes, not bothering to tie the laces, and grabbed his skateboard from the foot of his bed. He pushed open his bedroom window, climbing out onto the roof and shuffling down the shutters. He had a second story room so he had to be careful. Once he hit the ground, Jesse took off on his skateboard, riding through the streets of his neighborhood until he got to the gate. "Shit, I really didn't think this through. The guard will see me and tell my fucking mom." Jesse had to think carefully. Eventually he came up to the conclusion that if he scaled the brick building that seperated both exit and entrance, he could bolt for it before Tommy could see his face. Or maybe it was Brenda. He wasn't staying long enough to find out who's shift it was tonight.

So, Jesse hopped up onto the roof of the small work booth and then jumped down in front of the window, and took off running before the guard could even look up from their magazine. Once he was a safe distance away, he got onto his board and skated through the streets of Beverly Hills in the direction of Kendrick Lee's house. Thankfully, his neighborhood wasn't gated, so Jesse easily made his way to the front door of his former friend's house. He placed his skateboard onto the ground and knocked on the front door. To his actual surprise, Kenny answered.

"You weren't joking." Jesse shook his head. "Well.. Come inside. We can go to my room.. It's a little different from the last time you saw it, but.."

"It's okay," Jesse stammered. "So is mine."

 

* * *

 

"A divorce, huh?" Jess nodded, playing with a squishy green ball in the corner of the bedroom. "That sucks. Need I remind you, been there, done that? Fifth grade. You get used to it." Jesse remained silent for a few moments, and Ken groaned. "You're really pathetic, you know that? You haven't made any more friends in the year we weren't."

"No one else likes me."

Kenny snorted. "Ooh, so emo. I'm Jesse Oliver and I'm so emo even my shit is black." Jesse should have taken offense to that, what with the walls he built over the past year, but he was so.. Happy to be with his used-to-be best friend, he snickered. "Come on, Jess. Let's go do something fun. My brother's at a senior party, and we could totally crash it."

"I'm in," Jess smiled.

Kenny smiled. "Duh, what else were you going to do tonight? Wallow in self pity?"

"Pretty much."

 

* * *

 

When the boys arrived at the venue for the senior party, Jesse was more than shocked. "This is a junkyard," he said.

"Way to go, captain obvious. Hurry, before they check us." Ken and Jess slipped through the crowd of older teenagers, and made it to the snack section. "Dude. A hot cheese fountain."

"Where was this when we had our 8th grade bash?"

"You didn't even go to that!"

"I would have, had there been a hot cheese fountain."

Kenny paused, thinking. "Fair enough." The two got to work at the food, snacking to the night's end-

Or until they were yanked back by two very strong seventeen year-olds. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" One of them was Ken's brother, Kevin. The other was a dude that Jesse didn't recognize. He was stocky, but in the rich boy kind of way. Blonde hair, green eyes, probably the product of incest, but.. He was incredibly good looking- Jess shook his head of the thought. It was gone as soon as it came.

"You know these two?" the blonde boy asked his asian friend.

"Yeah, unfortunately. That one," he pointed to Kendrick, "is my idiot brother, and the other one is his faggot friend Jesse Oliver. They wanna be at a senior party? Why don't we show then how to party like a senior?"

Something in the blonde boy's eyes flickered. "You know, we did this once."

"Yeah, but-"

"Come on. Let them go." Kevin did what he was told. The blonde boy's expression softened. "Look, you shouldn't be here. Go on home." Jesse and Ken looked at each other.

"If I go home, my mom will literally kill me," Jess groaned.

Blonde boy smirked. "Come on, it can't be that bad. Who's your mom?"

"Jade Oliver." Blondie pursed his lips with an 'oh'. Jesse nodded. "See? She would terrorize me."

Suddenly Blonde-boy smiled, and Jess's heart jumped. "Jade Oliver is not your mother."

"Yeah she is!"

"Prove it." Jess faultered. Blondie leaned in, too close for Jesse's own good. "Unless you're a liar. You're not a liar, are you?"

He shook his head. "No.. She really is my mom, I just-"

"Just what?" he suddenly got aggressive. Jesse backed up toward the table with the hot cheese, a little too roughly because it tipped over off the table, and, unfortunately, onto an unassuming, innocent girl. She shrieked, and blondie's mouth went agape. "Fuck, run!" blondie yelled, grabbing Jesse's sleeve and pulling him through the crowd, out of the junkyard, and to the parking lot. "You're a dumbass. Hop in."

Jesse looked between the car and the boy. "I.. Don't even know your name."

"It's Ben, now get in the car." Jesse didn't argue any further. He climbed into the passenger side of the car, putting on his seatbelt. Blondie- no, Ben- started the car, racing out onto the streets.

 

* * *

 

"Why did you help me outta there?" Jesse broke the silence.

Ben sucked in some breath, stopping at a stop light. "Well, I kind of pushed you into the table. It was easily my fault, too. Anyway," the light turned green, "you go go SPA?"

Jess nodded, then he realized Ben's eyes were on the road. "Yeah, I'm a freshman."

"So, why were you at that party?"

Knowing enough to not spill his family's secrets to someone he just met, Jesse went with, "something kinda happened at home, so I snuck out and went to Ken's house, and.. Well, we weren't really friends- we were, but then we stopped being friends, and-"

"Hey. I didn't ask for your life story."

A deep blush set across Jesse's cheeks. "Oh, uh.."

"Relax," he saw the corners of Ben's lips curve into a smile. "Just teasing. Where do you live?"

 

* * *

 

Jesse made it back to his bedroom, undetected by anyone, especially his parents, and he even got a new phone number out of the whole ordeal. He liked this Ben guy, he practically saved his ass. And, he told him to text or call whenever he wanted to hang out. A senior guy told him to hang out with him. Jesse was unnervingly giddy. He felt like he had a-

No, don't say that.

Looking at the clock, Jesse saw that it was close to four in the morning. He had been out since midnight, and he definitely earned some sleep.

The last thought on Jesse's mind before slipping into subconsciousness was Ben, with his wispy blonde locks and dreamy green eyes. Jesse didn't even stop himself.


	4. Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure, unadulterated bliss.

It was close to two in the afternoon when Jesse's eyes pried open. He rubbed at the crust that had formed around his eyes when he slept, and shook his red duvet onto the floor. Jess swung his legs off the side of his bed and sat up, stretching. Jess hadn't slept that well since before the eighth grade. With a grin plastered across his face, he pulled on a ratty Hollywood Arts tank top he stole from his father's wardrobe that was laying on the floor. Rummaging through his drawers, he found a pair of green boxers and blue basketball shorts, and shuffled them on as well.

Yes, Jesse slept naked. Beverly Hills was hot in September.

The boy's brief bliss was interrupted by the fact that his parents were splitting up, and suddenly fear overcame him. Where would he live? Would he have to switch schools? Who would he live with primarily and who would he see on the weekends?

That last question was actually easy for Jesse to come to an answer; if he was given the choice, he would live with Jade. Sure, Jess loves both of his parents, but his mother is the one that's always taken care of him if he's sick, or hurt, or in trouble. Beck is just kinda there. He takes him to hockey games and sneaks him a beer or two when Jade isn't looking; but he's not his mom.

"Jess. You're standing in the middle of the hallway." Blair. Jesse turned around to see his second oldest sister, who looked a mess. Clearly she hadn't slept as well as he had. "Move." And she was angry.

But that's normal.

Jesse moved out of her way wordlessly, and reached for his phone, but he had left it back in his bedroom, under his pillow. No one was going to message him, anyway, so Jess proceded to decend down the grand staircase that led to the front door, and turned left to go to the kitchen for something to eat. As the thought passed through his head, his stomach panged.

 

* * *

 

Jess expected a lot out of his daily life; the same old boring morning, boring afternoon, and boring evening. He didn't expect the announcement of divorce, the escapade of last night with Kenny and Ben, and he most definitely did not anticipate his mother whistling over the stove, flipping pancakes.

"Mom?"

"Oh," she turned around, the spatula resting at her side. "You're awake."

Jesse scratched his arm, and yawned. "It's two in the afternoon." Jade looked at him like he was stupid. "Why are you making pancakes?"

His mother snickered. "I can't make pancakes for my kids?"

"You never make us food." Her eyes narrowed, and Jesse backed up. "I was just saying.. You haven't cooked breakfast for us since Pierce was little." Jade bit her lip, and turned back around to face the- now that Jesse took a glance he saw that they were filled with blueberries- pancakes. "Mom?" The spatula dropped to the floor. Jesse ran over to pick it up when he saw his worst fear; his own mother crying. "Mom.."

"He said that I was too much. That this was too much." Her cracked sobs tore through Jesse's thick walls, straight to his heart. "The press was getting to him. The paparazzi. He feels like a wash-out and he said it was my fault. I don't get it!" Jesse wrapped his arms around his mother's body, and she seemed to frail that he was afraid if he squeezed too tight, she'd shatter. "He's the one that wanted all of this! He wanted kids! I never wanted kids!" Jesse dropped his arms. Jade froze. "Jess, I didn't mean that."

"You did. You were the one who told me that even if you're angry, if you say something, you mean it. You meant that." He shuffled backwards, away from her. "You don't want us." Tears welled in his eyes. "You hate us, don't you? You wish we were fucking dead."

Jade burried her face in her hands, growled, then looked up. Her face was tear-stricken, and her eyes were red and almost glazed over. "Jesse Mekhi Oliver. You know I would never, ever do anything to harm you or Pierce, or your sisters. I love all of you so much it hurts. And for you to even think that-"

Jesse cut her off. "You said, mom! You said! Your pancakes are burning." She turned, and Jess ran out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and to his room. Slamming the door shut to make a point, Jesse prayed no one bothered him as sent his new.. whatever.. a text.

**Get me outta here. Please.**

And Jesse waited, after getting dressed in the most normal clothes he could bear; a purple and black striped tee-shirt, black shorts, and his favorite pair of blue converse. When he looked at his shoes, he realized he had forgotten his skateboard at the party, so it was as good as gone.

"Damn," he cursed. He had gotten that for his birthday last year. No way he was getting a replacement after what just happened with his mother.

His phone chirped with his text tone.

**b there n 10 says ben**

Jesse snickered at the text from the blonde boy who rescued him last night.

For some unforeseen reason, Jess had the urge to fix his hair. It was a mess, all tangly and mop-like. There was not much the punk wanna-be could do in ten minutes, except try to cover it with a hat, so he opted for a black beanie hanging on one of the posts of his bed frame. It was old, definitely not up to today's fashions, but then again, nothing Jesse wore was in style. He slipped his phone in his pocket and left his room, walking down to the front door. Briefly he saw his mother resting on one of the couches in the living room, but he decided to not to engage. Just saying, "Bye."

 

* * *

 

 Jesse had to walk down to the front of the neighborhood to get to Ben as the gate wouldn't let the older teen through; he wasn't allowed to give out the code to anybody. Jess's heart beat a little bit faster when he saw Ben's familiar blue van, idle by the gate. He seemed to be arguing with Tommy, the guard for today. Jess walked up to the gate and stopped the fight before Ben was banned. "Tommy, it's okay, he's with me." And Tom backed off. Jess walked through the gate as soon as it opened, and hopped in the front passenger seat.

"You alright?" Jess shrugged, then his eyes narrowed, a way that is all too similar to his mother. "Now I see it," Ben grinned, causing Jess to look over in confusion. "You look like her. Your mom."

Jesse slumped against the seat after clicking his seatbelt, and Ben took off, after reversing. "Actually, uh.. Ben?" It was the taller boy's turn to look over, but his attention was quickly redrawn to the road. "Can I tell you something? And, I swear, this stays between us. It has to."

"Just us, got it."

"My.. You promise?" Ben nodded. "Say it."

The older boy chuckled. "Okay, dude, chill. I promise that this stays between us."

Jesse inhaled through his nose, and exhaled through his mouth. "I believe you. Okay. My parents are getting a divorce."

Ben pulled over, and put the hazards on. He unbuckled and turned so he was facing Jesse. "I can make you forget everything. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," Jesse said, without skipping a beat. He did trust Ben. Maybe more than he should.. Interrupting his thoughts was a tight hug from the boy in question, which Jess slowly reciprocated. Ben let go first, then leaned in. Jesse was shaking, unable to break away like his mind was screaming for him to do. Their lips touched, briefly- his first kiss- and Jesse was left blushing. Something snapped in the middle Oliver, because he leaned over the console to capture Ben in another- his second- kiss.

When Jesse pulled away, his lips burned with desire. Ben rebuckled and turned off the emergency hazards. "So.. Boys, yay and girls, nay?"

"Yay," Jesse mumbled.

The rest of the drive was silent.


	5. Bluejays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, trigger-warning for abuse.
> 
> This chapter is very long.
> 
> It's like a season-finale of some sorts.

_October 1st, 2034_

_Over the course of only a few days, I've learned to expect the unexpected. My parents were divorcing; I snuck out; I kissed a boy._

_Never once did the thought of sexuality cross my mind, as I always just never really cared about girls. Sure, I figured one day I'd probably get a girlfriend, but it was never a quest I actively sought out. But when I kissed Ben, it all made sense. I didn't want a girlfriend. I'm gay._

_Honestly, I'm really glad I can admit it to myself. I already sort of knew. It was so easy, but so difficult; a true paradox. I don't have anyone to talk to about this revelation. I'm too scared to talk to Ben about it. We kissed, so what? A bunch of people kiss all the time. It didn't have to mean anything._

_But I want it to mean something. Anything. Being with Ben makes me feel something other than hatred or anger. It makes me feel alive, like I could do whatever he put his mind to. That feeling always vanished as soon as Ben would drop me off at home. Then, it was back to reality._

_The reality that was my parents' divorce, and the turmoil that was slowly bubbling over as the days passed. I want so desperatly to run away to Ben, if only to get away from the tension that radiated from each of my family members. I can't keep running away, however, as my mother would grow suspicious.. She hadn't really been herself lately, and I wouldn't be surprised if she lashed out on me if I were to tell her about the whole gay thing._

_So I'm keeping it to myself.. Well, myself and Ben. We kiss often. We kiss when Ben picks me up, we kiss goodbye, we kiss at random. It's pleasant, but almost surreal. Ben has a certain power over me, and it's not like I'm going to deny it. Is this what mom and dad felt when they first got together? Shake that, Jess. You and Ben aren't together. Not really. Not the way you want to be_.

 

* * *

 

Jesse closed his journal, setting his pen down on the desk that he found himself sitting at, night after night. He shoved the composition book under a couple of textbooks that were for class; they were never opened, however, and sat collecting dust since he brought them home.

The middle Oliver was going to retire to bed, but he heard a soft knock on his door. "..It's open," he said, cautiously. Whoever was on the other side creaked the barrier slightly, light from the hall pouring in bit by bit. Finally, he could see the figure more clearly; Mom.

"May I come in?" She had never asked that before. Jade took what she wanted, when she wanted. Taken aback, Jesse nodded his head. His mother came into the room, and shut the door behind her. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay.." Jade sat on his unmade bed. Jesse followed. "What is it?"

She took in a deep breath, and placed her hand on Jesse's shoulder. "What I'm about to tell you, you have to promise to take it like the adult I know you're becoming. No explosions." This was serious. "Deal? This is hard enough as it is." Speechless, Jess nodded. "Beck is staying here."

"And?"

"No explosions, I mean it, Jess."

Jess growled, throwing up his hands. "I'm not a ticking time-bomb, just tell me the goddamn news!" Jade's eyebrows lifted, and she gave him her 'see?' face. He sulked. "Okay, so maybe I am. But I'll.. I'll try to not freak out."

"We're leaving," Jade paused, studying her son's face, "to New York."

Jesse stood, and this time, it was Jade following his lead. "New York. As in, New York state?"

"Manhattan. You promised you wouldn't freak out, Jesse. I need you to do this for me. I need you to be strong. Please." Jesse's breathing became choppy and ragged. He began to sweat, and his fists clenched. "I understand you may be upset or even angry-"

"Angry..! I'm ten miles passed angry! You're uprooting my entire life! Taking me across the country, to some place I don't wanna go to, taking me away from my father! My friends, my boyfriend-!" Jesse paused, staring at the wall, frozen. An uncomfortable silence fell onto the dark bedroom. Seconds passed before Jade gently touched the now distraught Jesse's shoulder, and he jerked, turning around to face the perp. Bloodshot brown eyes avoided his mother's soft blues, even when he was being pulled into a hug. A tight, non-escaping hug that tore sobs from his esophagus. He was being shushed, but not in a threatening or patronizing way; more like how a mother would comfort her child, and Jade was so damn good at that.

Gentle hands were guiding him back to sit down on the bed, then tough arms wrapped around his shaking body. Jesse rested his head on his mother's shoulder. He whispered apologies on repeat, like a broken record. "Stop that," Jade murmured, softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn't something you can change. You can't force it. It's who you are. Why were you ever afraid to tell me?" Jesse sniffed, sitting back up. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and shrugged. "I knew." Jade laughed a little when Jesse gave her a shocked expression. "You think I don't know my own kids? I knew since you were five years old, baby. Well, speculated. And it didn't matter. It doesn't matter. I wish you had told me sooner-"

Jesse cut her off, "I kinda just realized." His voice was tight, the way it is right after crying.

"Because of the boyfriend?"

"Actually, he's not.. Really my boyfriend. We just.. Nevermind."

Jade shoved his shoulder, albeit lightly. "No! Tell me!"

Jesse broke into a smile, and suddenly felt closer to his mom than he had been in years. "Well, I met him at school, sort of. His name is Ben, and that's all you're getting out of me!"

"He must be really special. And I'm sorry, really, I am, but your Aunt Cat offered to let us move in. You.." Her eyes closed, and she looked pained as she stood to go stand by the door. "You can stay with your father, if that's what you really want. Blair is. I didn't want to fight her. So I'm giving you that choice. No hard feelings. No strings attached, and no games."

Jesse looked at his mother, and he saw how much she really cared about him in that moment; to be able to willingly let your own child choose where they want to live takes a lot of trust and forgiveness. He pondered it for a moment, then shook his head. "There.. There will be other boys.. But I only have one mom," he flashed a very Beck-like grin.

Jade smiled in return, walking back over to peck Jesse's forehead. "I love you."

He hugged her harder than he ever had in his entire life, whispering, "I love you too."

 

* * *

 

Jesse's ringtone is what awoke the teen. Without checking to see who it was, he answered with a scraggly, "what?"

"That's how you're gonna answer me?" Ben's teasing tone caused Jess to sit straight up in bed. "I'm outside of the gate. Hurry."

Jesse jumped up, throwing on random clothes that were laying around, opting for flip flops instead of his converse. After popping some gum in his mouth and putting on deodorant, Jess left through the window. It was fairly early, the sun barely peaking over the horizon, so he wouldn't have to worry about being caught. That being said, Jess still hurried to the gates, unable to contain his excitement.

Sure enough, there was Ben's blue van. Jesse opened the door and slid in the seat, pulling on his seatbelt. Ben looked at him expectedly, causing Jess to blush. "I didn't brush my teeth," he admitted. "You woke me up." Ben ruffled the younger teen's frizzy hair, then started the car. "Listen, Ben, I have to tell you something.." Ben nodded, driving in silence like he usually did. "I'm moving." That was enough to get his lover to stop the car.

"What?"

"To Manhattan."

Ben's voice was devoid of emotion. "When?"

"Actually," Jess looked back in the mirror, seeing his neighborhood disappear, "I'm not sure. Mom told me last night, well.. She asked if I wanted to go with her-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Your mom gave you the choice, and you picked her over me? I see."

Jesse sulked, suddenly feeling very guilty. "Ben, it's not like that.. My mom, she-"

Suddenly a sharp pop interrupted his sentence. Ben had slapped him, and now his rough hands gripped the steering wheel. Acting like nothing happened, he avoided Jesse's glance. "Your mom, who has made you feel terrible for like, all of your life. Or were you lying about that?"

"No, I'd never lie to you about anything like that-"

"Oh, so you'd lie to me about other shit? Fuck, Jesse. I can't fucking trust you."

Jess didn't know what to do. This had never happened before. He and Ben seemed to fit together like a puzzle piece, and now they were arguing like they were enemies or something. Plus, now his face hurt. Was Jesse supposed to call him out? Tell him to let him out of the car? Before Jesse could reach a decision, Ben kicked the car into high gear and sped down the streets, choosing backways as if to avoid traffic. "Ben, where are we going?"

"Don't fucking talk to me right now," Ben spat. "I'm angry. And I have half a mind to dump you on the side of the road." Jesse shivered in fear. Oh god, he actually feared Ben.

They pulled into the driveway of a humble (compared to what Jesse was used to; he's sure this house is nice) home. It was a two story, colored blue. There were no neighbors. "Is this where you live?" No answer. Ben turned off the car and opened his door, unclicking his seatbelt. Jesse followed suit, trailing behind him as Ben walked up to the front door. The older of the two pulled out a key and unlocked it, pushing the door open with his shoulder.

"Anyone home?" Ben's voice echoed as if the lack of his family was a point to prove. Jesse walked inside, looking around at each little detail; the house was oddly normal, for Ben was supposed to be loaded. Nothing stood out as too fancy. What shook him from his focus on the interior was the sound of a slam and a lock turning. "Listen up, bitch." Jesse's arms tingled, and he froze in place. "You're in my house, now. which means you listen to me. You do what I say, when I say it. And if you dare defy me," Ben's hand snaked across Jess's back, and he wrapped it around the front of the Oliver's throat. "I'll fucking kill you."

Scared out of his wits, Jesse allowed Ben to shove him down into the basement. Jess noticed cameras all around the dusty room, and he shook in fear. "Why are you-"

Ben's hand slapped across Jesse's left cheek. "Shut up! What did I fucking tell you? Dumb bitch." Ben pondered over the last part of that sentence, because he ordered Jess to say it.

"Say you're a dumb bitch. No, that you're my dumb bitch. And you're too stupid to do anything about it." Jesse said nothing, eliciting another slap from Ben.

Recoiling, Jess fell onto the ground. "I'm.." His cheeks were red in shame. "I'm your dumb bitch."

Ben cackled. "Good boy. This is the last time you'll ever think you can just get rid of me."

 

* * *

 

Days passed since Ben locked Jesse in the basement. Each day was the same; get Ben off, eat whatever leftovers he allowed, then try to sleep, just to repeat it over and over. Jesse never felt more degraded, ashamed, and used. Betrayed, even. He thought Ben liked him. Maybe he does. Jesse shouldn't have decided to go with Jade. That's what set him off. It's his own fault he's in this mess.

That's what Ben told him. And Jesse believed whatever Ben told him.

 

* * *

 

"You're nothing but trouble, aren't you?" Jesse instantly stood from where he had been laying down. "God, I got called into the principal's office today. Apparently I'm a 'suspect' in your disappearance. It's only been a week. It's not like your dead. Yet," Ben cackled. "I was taken into the police station for questioning. And guess what?" There was silence. "Answer me when I ask you a question! Bitch."

"..What?"

Ben smiled, and he flicked on a small lamp. "I told them I'm worried about you! That you were hanging out with a bad crowd. Because you are. You're hanging around me, after all. And they let me go. Idiots. Anyway, I have to go on a search party. To find you. How funny is that! Later, Jesse."

Ben retreated up the stairs, turning off the lamp as he went. The door shut and locked, leaving Jesse alone to his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Ben liked to get high after he beat Jesse. It became a ritual. He always did it after he let Jesse eat and drink. Ben would say that he ate like a pig, or that he chewed too loud, or his slurping was annoying. So he beat him. This game had started the day after the search party.

"They'll find me one day," Jesse dared, after a particularly brutal beating. "You were the only one I hung around. They'll put the pieces together."

Ben sat back in his ratty recliner, inhaling the smoke from a bong. "They haven't yet, have they, faggot? Go get me some water." So Jesse stood up from his place by the stair wall, and limped toward the half bathroom nestled in the back of the unfinished basement. He pushed his way into the small room, the door jammed. Jess pulled on the faucet, water escaping. He leaned in, allowing a few seconds of water to cover his parched lips. He then grabbed a mini red solo cup and filled it to the brim.

A blue jay chirped by a small window that was above the sink. Jesse looked at the bird, momentarily lost in its innocence. Gears began to work in his head. Jesse shut the door, carefully and quietly, and locked it. Knowing Ben would be asleep by now, he should be okay. Jess quickly looked around for something- anything- to break that fucking window.

A screwdriver.

It poked out from under the sink. "That's my chance." Jesse's nimble fingers wrapped around the small tool. He reached up, as he was tall enough, to the window, and slammed the screwdriver into the glass as hard as his muscles could work. It shattered. With a yelp, Jesse shimmied up onto the toilet, and pushed the glass out of the way, worrying about cuts later. He squeezed his thin body through, and fell onto the ground. With no time to waste, Jesse took off running. All he had on was a pair of soiled boxers, but he didn't give a shit.

He was free.

 

* * *

 

It didn't take long for a police officer to stop him. In fact, Jesse was leaving the neighborhood when the patrol car approached. "Son, why are you out in your boxers?"

"You gotta help me!" Jesse croaked. "I was held captive for.. I don't know how long.. He's crazy! He's crazy and I'm so hungry! Please, he'll kill me!" The police officer pulled up a report on the computer in the car.

The officer glanced from the report to the boy. "Holy hell, you're Jesse Oliver." Jess nodded frantically. "Get in the car. Shit.. We all thought you were.. Nevermind." Jesse climbed in the back seat, laying on the leather seat. "Do you want a blanket?" Jess's shivering gave away the answer. The officer handed him a blue LAPD blanket, from under the seat. "Here you go, kid. We'll be at the hospital soon."

Jess let his eyes close, once he was sure he was safe.

 

* * *

 

White. Blinding white. Noise and destraction.

Jesse wished for black. Soothing and quiet black that comforted him in a way no one else could.

It was all too much. He was being wheeled into the emergency room. Flashing lights blinded him as his eyes were still adjusting from the dark of Ben's basement.

Ben.

That name made Jesse break out into a cold sweat.

Broken bones and fractured ribs. That's what Ben had done to him.

He let Ben hurt him.

God, he was so fucking weak.

Now casted and bandaged, Jess was allowed a few moments of peace; but only a few. As soon as he was beginning to feel comfortable in his hospital bed, the door to his room swung open.

Mom.

Jade never looked so fucking horrible. Her hair was tangled and ratty, and she looked as if she hadn't slept in weeks..

She probably hadn't.

Fragility was never part of Jade's plan; she always had this tough exterior, never to be broken by even the toughest earthquake.

This must have felt like the apocalypse.

Mother and son were at a loss; they looked each other in the eye, but it seemed neither were sure the other was real.

The spell was broken when Beck entered. "You're okay.. Fuck, my fucking son.. You're okay." He approached Jesse's bedside and took a seat. "You're okay.."

"Not.. Not really." Tears stung in Jesse's eyes, and he looked up at the white ceiling and blinked, trying to remain his composure. "Ben.. He.. I.."

"Who's Ben?" Beck looked at his son in confusion.

Deep sobs filled the empty silence of the childishly decorated hospital room. "I thought I could love him. I thought he could love me. I snuck out one night and went to Ken's.. He and I went to a senior party and there he was. So tall and handsome and kind-looking. He had this glint in his eyes. He made me feel like everything in my life was going to be okay." Jesse took in a sharp, shaky breath. His eyes shut. "He took me home. Then we kept hanging out. And we kissed. He was my first kiss. God, I'm so fucking stupid!" Jade joined Beck on the opposite side of Jesse's bed. "I told him that I was leaving for Manhattan and he didn't like that, I fucking guess. He took me to his house. I thought we were just going to talk. Then he hit me, and he-he forced me into his fucking basement and locked me in there. He raped me. He fucking forced me to.." Jesse shuddered. "Do things. I wasn't ready but he didn't care. He beat me so many fucking times I would get woozy. I don't know how long I was there. He got high and I went to the bathroom and I broke a window and I ran. I just wanna go home," he cried. "I wish I were fucking dead. I should have just let him kill me."

Jade and Beck glanced at each other, worry stricken on both of their faces.

"Listen, buddy.. We're going to get you help."

Jade placed a kiss on Jesse's cheek. "I'm taking you to New York as soon as I can. You need to get out of here. But first, you need sleep, baby. We'll be right here when you wake up."

Chances are, it'd just be another dream, and Jesse would wake up and be with Ben again. But he allowed his eyes to close.

Just for a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for putting you through that. Don't hate me too much ):


End file.
